Dear Mr. Weiss –
Re: your most recent submission to The Learning Annex teaching pool. I’m sorry you found our standard rejection letter misleading. Let me state clearly and personally that we are not offering classes in any sort of zombie history at this time. Zombies do not exist. Please refrain from submitting another proposal. If you are interested in participating in one of our mental health seminars, I would be happy to provide you with a discount code (I think you could really use some help). Otherwise, the next time you have an urge to send us a packet of your “materials and research,” go to the nearest tall building and take a flying leap.
Sincerely,
Liz Baker
Assistant to the Executive in Charge of Submissions
I choose not to lose my faith in humankind, but to instead believe that this is the work of a bored young woman, perhaps in an argument with her boss, or smarting over being rejected from the English Department at UCLA yet again. I shall submit another application soon, to another department, and press on with my quest to share my research with a larger audience.
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