TRAGEDY UNFOLDS AT MILLIONAIRE’S BUNKER
Los Angeles New Times, July 8, 2007

Ivo Kashoggian’s newly-erected underground palace collapsed in the middle of a party with an estimated 300 in attendance, police said this morning.

“So far, 218 bodies have been found,” police lieutenant Craig Jensen said. “We have a crew working to find the rest of them, but there are very few places left to look.”

When asked if some of the victims exhibited signs of PMMS, Lieutenant Jensen seemed hesitant to respond. “Kashoggian was R428 positive,” he said, “although he wasn’t forthcoming about that. It’s true that some of the people we thought must surely be dead turned out not to be.”

But is there evidence of foul play? When questioned about the explosive charges reportedly found in the rubble and the bite marks on many of the victims, Police Chief Sandy Coombs was reluctant to comment. “We’re reserving comments until we can put the whole picture together,” he said. “If it turns out the collapse was planned, it wouldn’t be the first time Kashoggian was involved in criminal actions. The only difference is, this time he didn’t get away with it.”

Or did he? Though Kashoggian was almost certainly in attendance, his body has yet to be found.