From Here to Greenland and Back

I’m happy to report that J. has been out of the office for several days with a sinus infection; therefore we’ve all been enjoying a wonderfully cool workplace. What a difference! I’ve realized that seventy-five degrees is simply too high a temperature for serious thought of the sort my research requires (what shall be done when J. returns is a matter for another day).

One needs only look at a list of world literatures and compare the vast bodies of literature of colder climates with the scant literature of the equatorial zones for an illustration of this. There is also evidence that Tzombi flourish in colder zones —because one of the characteristics of PMMS is a cessation of the bodily functions we associate with everyday life, they also have an inability to sweat, which makes life in the warmest climates unbearable, and which may provide another possible reason the Drunken Monkeys of Palau headed into the caves of Mt. Tmerou.

Of course, this brings up an interesting question: why do the Tzombi seem to flourish in a mild climate like that of Los Angeles?

But there is simply no disputing that one of the most successful Tzombi colonies was the one which flourished in Greenland for almost 400 years. In 986 A.D., Erik the Red set sail from Iceland to Greenland with an armada of 25 ships, only fourteen of which reached their destination. A ship’s log, frozen in a block of sea-ice, was later recovered by the colonists and copied verbatim into the Konungs Skuggsja, the “King’s Mirror” of 1250:

13 August. Events of the day brought dire circumstance; owing to dearth of provisions and uneasiness of spirit, Thorvald Thorvalsson, called the fat, endeavored to hoard what remained of the salt cod, upon which Eyjolf Ulfsson drew his knife and slashed the greedy limb, which action divided the men, and resulted in seven deaths from knife-wound. The bodies of the dead were thrown over the side of the boat, and number thus: Thorvald Thorvaldsson, Eyjolf Ulfsson, Sigurd Vifilsson, Saemond Saur, Thorvald Krakuson, Ingolf Thorbjornsson, and Gudrid Sigmundsdottir.

Though the ship never made it to Greenland, it appears some of the bodies did. Adam of Bremen, writing in his Gesta Hammaburgensis ecclesiae pontificum, relates the “miracle of Eiriksfjord,” which occurred 97 years after the voyage, when five blocks of ice washed ashore with people “of bygonne dress” frozen inside them. When they were taken ashore for a Christian burial, the “miracle” occurred. Adam of Bremen describes: “Moreover, that the frozen came to life with the rejuvenating fire of Christ is not a fabulous fancy, but from the accounts of those present we know to be a fact.”

Though it’s entirely possible that this episode is fabricated -- there were frequent concerns on the mainland that the colonists were “going native,” and an account of a miracle would have assured the mainlanders that the colonists were still in God’s good graces -- we have the corroboration of a bizarre woodcut by Olaus Magnus, which depicts a fat man in outdated dress (possibly Thorvald Thorvaldsson?) frozen in what appears to be a block of ice:


And a closer look here: